“Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice”
Directed by Zack Snyder

Holy crap, Batman…what a mess!

I’m not going to waste too much of your time…or mine…on this whale of a bloated beast, so, briefly:

Acting: Everyone in it is fine. Not good, but fine. Well, Holly Hunter, Jeremy Irons and Harry Lennix are good. Gal Gadot has very little to do, but she’s, at the very least, interesting enough to wonder about (no pun intended…seriously). Affleck and Eisenberg acquit themselves fairly well in poorly written lead roles (and numerous dream sequences). And Cavill…well, I’ve always thought he was terrible, and his performance in this changes my mind not a whit. And poor Amy Adams…I mean…I REALLY hope she made MILLIONS, because her character sets the cause of women’s independence back about forty years.

Action/FX: The action is grand and sweeping, and in keeping with DC predilections, WAYYYYYY over the top. HUNDREDS of thousands of people die in these films, without us ever seeing one of them. It truly is absurdist, even if the FX are quite good. The less said about the final battle the better…truly awful, never mind the bait and switch nature of that battle. Oh, and wtf was with the dream sequences?

Music: Who knows? Everything is loud, even the dark moments…like the dream sequences. The Hans Zimmer & Junkie XL score is not remarkable enough to remember.

Script/Story: Okay, here we go…the script. I mean…I can’t…it’s just… – take a breath – okay, here goes:

1. Act 1: Dark, boring, mildly interesting (like the first dream sequence)
2. Act 2: Dark, boring….REALLY boring (and seventeen more dream sequences)
3. Act 3: Utter hogwash…ear-splitting, visually arresting hogwash…but, y’know, if you put lipstick on a pig, it’s still hogwash…(PLEASE, bring back the dream sequences)
4. Postscript: Made me want to punch Zack Snyder, and all associated with bringing this film to life, right in the nose (maybe in my dreams)

If you must see this film, there is one important thing to be said in its favor…there is no post-final credit scene, so, even though I believe in staying through the end credits, you can hightail it out of there as soon as they roll. You won’t miss any clues for the next DC film. Although, why you would want to put yourself through a mess like this AGAIN is beyond me.

The only hope for you is that I will have lowered your expectations to such an extent that you will think it’s not terrible. But, truly, stay home and watch the second season of “Daredevil’ instead…or if you must stick with DC, “The Flash” on the CW isn’t awful. But boy, oh, boy, “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice” sure is.

This bit of internet magic is better than anything in the actual trailer:

This dream sequence written on 3/28/2016